On a recent solo trip home after dropping The Psychologist off at college, I had the opportunity to catch up on some Podcasts from This American Life. While most of the stories were interesting, the one that stuck out for me was author Richard Bausch reading "Letter to the Lady of the House," from The Selected Stories of Richard Bausch. All I can say is, what a great story.

Bausch narrates this fictional letter, written on the eve of a man's seventieth birthday to Marie, his wife of fifty years. He's finally reached a point in his life where he can get through the petty quarrels and tell her what's really on his mind. To share more here would take away from the richness of the essay and the depth that Bausch give to his reading. But, I was entranced as a I listened to the reading driving alone in the dark, with a light rain hitting the windshield and the steady beat of the wipes keeping pace with the story.  I hung on every word, waiting for closure and found it when he said that he would do it all again just for a chance for the kind of love he'd had. 

I found myself wondering if I would feel the same way the narrator does when I'm married fifty years.  I hope that I will.

At middle age, I think most men can't contemplate being married fifty years (especially if you've already been married more than twenty). Many, like me, have been married a while by the time the 40's hit and have had a number of ups and downs. Yet, I wonder if, after the kids are gone and the routines begin to change whether the love grows deeper, or whether now that we are free of most family distractions, we let down the walls of civility and give way to a comfort in life that allows us be more free with words and actions--however hurtful these may be to our spouses. 

Perhaps "Letter to the Lady of the House," should be required reading for all newlyweds. Maybe the divorce rate would drop. Maybe you could do your part by listening to the essay on This American Life's website. The audio of the February 15, 2008 episode for this essay starts at about 8:30 into the show.

I'm not a particularly romantic guy, but I am sentimental.

For years the Wife and I have just exchanged cards. I generally buy one for her. She often makes one for me. Sometimes her card is very simple and practical, such as the one I found in front of the coffee pot when I got up this morning.

This year's card was an 8 1/2" x 11" sheet of red construction paper, with four hearts cut out of the middle. She had written around the edges, "Happy Valentine's Day. I love you always." I smiled.

When the kids at home returned from school today, they all mentioned the red paper hearts in their lunches, each with a note and "Happy Valentine's Day!, Love Mom". They love it, but they won't admit it.

Then they noticed my card, and The Boy taped his heart back into it. Later in the evening, I saw that all the hearts were back.

It might seem like small gesture, but those things in my house, show how completely we love and respect each other. Even when it's not always apparent with daily behavior.