Earlier tonight I went to the parent's portion of freshman orientation at the high schoool. It was pretty much a waste of time. Granted, I've done this three times before, but this one took the cake. The principal spoke for 40 minutes, mostly reiterating things that were in the provided handout and will be in the student handbook. He could have talked for 10 minutes, and referred folks to the handout and accomplished as much.
And we wonder why our kids complain about the presentation skills of their teachers. After tonight, I have now doubt that in our high school, it's modeled behavior.
I started this blog at the first of the year with high hopes of writing 2-3 times a week. I did pretty well until April, then life got in the way. I just had too much going on and didn't really have a passion for blogging.
But, the break was good for me. I have a few things to say and I have recommitted to blogging here.
I'm sorry to the 5 of you who might have started reading when I started writing. I hope you'll come back. For you newbies, it'll be like discovering me for the first time.
The Pope's impromptu planned visit last week with victims of clergy sexual abuse has been widely reported. In a New York Times report on April 16 entitled, "Abuse Victims Not Placated by Pope", Becky Ianni, a 50-year-old abuse victim said,
“He talks about feeling shame for the scandal but it’s a far cry from the shame that victims have had to live with our entire lives. We don’t really need his sense of shame."
She's right, of course. Yet many news outlets reported all week that the Pope visited with the "survivors", not the "victims." It seems to me that calling the victims "survivors", even though they truly are, softens the terrible act and does more to add to the shame that Ms. Ianni and so many others do note need to endure.
Shame on the news media. These individuals are victims of abuse, even if they are also survivors of despicable actions of individual members of the clergy.
Yesterday's post with the Kurt Vonnegut reminded me of Mary Schmich's June 1997 column in the Chicago Tribune which has been attributed to Vonnegut as an MIT commencement speech (he didn't give it that year). Schmich introduced the column as the commencement address she would give if she were asked to give one.
When I went searching for it (it's listed below), I found this great little video by Baz Luhrmann. Enjoy both.
By Mary Schmich, Chicago Tribune, June 1, 1997
Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97.
Wear Sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be
it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.
Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday. Do one thing every day that scares you.
Sing.
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself. Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't. Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone. Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody's else's.
Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Dont' be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.
Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths. Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.
Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will Look 85. Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.
I've been cleaning off my desk today. At the bottom of a stack of papers, was an article I saved from USA Today on February 26 entitled, "Teens losing touch with historical references." The gist of it is, today's teenagers have lost touch with American History, and can't identify most major events or the impact on our life today. It boils down to the sad fact that History is not taught in most schools as a primary subject.
We take some pride in reconnecting our kids with historical facts through hands-on or living history events. We do a little traveling, taking in historical sites and learning a little about our past. I force them to watch historical movies and documentaries, at times. Heck, we're even descendants of several noted patriots and a signer of the Declaration of Independence--facts they've been forced to learn.
Yet, we don't spend a lot of time of dates and events, really. Until I read this article I hadn't given much thought to the lack of History classes in school. Perhaps I should have. We have a responsibility to make sure our children learn and understand both our Nation's history and their personal connection to it.
Poet George Santayana said, "Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it." But, I think this quote from Kurt Vonnegut, "History is merely a list of surprises. It can only prepare us to be surprised yet again," perhaps puts this issue in the best context.
Without those list of surprises, we'll have produced a generation of leaders who will continually be surprised as the world unfolds about them.
While I was doing the previous post, I came upon a Po Bronson article in Time Magazine entitled, "Has being Married Gone Out of Style?" from October 2006. It seems that the Census Bureau has noted that homes headed by married couples now falls below 50%.
Given I'd just done a post over the weekend on the perspective of someone who had been married 50 years, I thought you might be interested in seeing this article.
In 2003, I read Po Bronson's book, What Should I Do With My Life? as I was contemplating the second act of my career. The book profiles 50 individuals as they search for their true calling in life.
It was very interesting to me to learn the challenges of others as they made a journey similar to mine. Those stories were very useful to me as I made the work transition to non-profit industry in 2004.
If you're thinking about your second act and are unsure what to do next, I'd encourage you read this book as your first step. Understanding how others have crossed the same bridge is eye-opening.
On a recent solo trip home after dropping The Psychologist off at college, I had the opportunity to catch up on some Podcasts from This American Life. While most of the stories were interesting, the one that stuck out for me was author Richard Bausch reading "Letter to the Lady of the House," from The Selected Stories of Richard Bausch. All I can say is, what a great story.
Bausch narrates this fictional letter, written on the eve of a man's seventieth birthday to Marie, his wife of fifty years. He's finally reached a point in his life where he can get through the petty quarrels and tell her what's really on his mind. To share more here would take away from the richness of the essay and the depth that Bausch give to his reading. But, I was entranced as a I listened to the reading driving alone in the dark, with a light rain hitting the windshield and the steady beat of the wipes keeping pace with the story. I hung on every word, waiting for closure and found it when he said that he would do it all again just for a chance for the kind of love he'd had.
I found myself wondering if I would feel the same way the narrator does when I'm married fifty years. I hope that I will.
At middle age, I think most men can't contemplate being married fifty years (especially if you've already been married more than twenty). Many, like me, have been married a while by the time the 40's hit and have had a number of ups and downs. Yet, I wonder if, after the kids are gone and the routines begin to change whether the love grows deeper, or whether now that we are free of most family distractions, we let down the walls of civility and give way to a comfort in life that allows us be more free with words and actions--however hurtful these may be to our spouses.
Perhaps "Letter to the Lady of the House," should be required reading for all newlyweds. Maybe the divorce rate would drop. Maybe you could do your part by listening to the essay on This American Life's website. The audio of the February 15, 2008 episode for this essay starts at about 8:30 into the show.
The Los Angeles Times today posted a story on a study that indicates there's a correlation between a big stomach at middle age and dementia. The article references a study by a Kaiser Permanente which said:
"Those who were overweight and had a large belly when measurements were taken were 2.3 times more likely to develop dementia in old age than those who had a healthy weight and belly size when they were younger.
People who were obese -- with a BMI greater than 30 -- and had a large belly in middle age were 3.6 times more likely to develop dementia later in life than those whose weight and belly size had been in the healthy range."
"This ought to be a wake-up call to baby boomers in terms of diet and exercise," said Dr. Sam Gandy, a spokesman for the Alzheimer's Assn. who was not involved in the study. "If they are not frightened enough about heart disease, maybe they will worry about losing their mental function."
I'm seriously thinking I need to exercise a bit. Not that I'm REALLY overweight, but I do have some belly fat. In fact, that's really where I carry my weight. And no, that's not me in the picture above. It's an illustration, not a representation of this writer.
Anyway, what was my point.
Oh.
Crap.
It's started already. I'm heading to the gym tomorrow.
The March 2008 issue of the American Journal of Medicine is encouraging middle aged folks to pick up a bottle. According to a new study led by Dr. Dana King of the Medical University of South Carolina, Charleston, folks who newly begin consuming moderate amounts of alcohol in middle age benefit from lower cardiovascular disease morbidity.
Results of the study indicated that the new moderate drinkers had a 38% lower chance of developing cardiovascular disease, but their was no difference in all-cause mortality between the new drinkers and the nondrinkers.
But what interested me the most, was this:
"The new drinkers also showed a modest improvement in HDL-cholesterol levels and no adverse effect on blood pressure. The researchers say that these data support the idea that initiating alcohol use in middle age may have an overall positive impact on cardiovascular health and that, for carefully selected individuals, a "heart-healthy diet" may include limited alcohol consumption, even among individuals who have not included alcohol previously."
I stopped drinking years ago, but on occasion will have a glass of wine--probably not more than 3-4 a year. However, my HDL-cholesterol levels (due largely to heredity, and partly because I can't seem to get my but in gear to exercise) remain low. Before you get the idea that we (that's you and I) will drink our way to better cholesterol levels, this study was only conducted on people who had never drunk alcohol before. For those of us who might have pickled our liver in college, the benefits may not apply.
I guess "we" still better find our way to the gym.
Read the full article here if you're interested:Read it now
Man with Family
The 
